Far from a nihilistic cry, my suggestion to embrace nothingness–specifically of being and of activity level–is borne out of frustration from trying too hard for too long, both before and in recovery. I needed to be someone and to prove some things. Sitting with my own insignificance is both terrifying and freeing, joyous and upsetting. The global pandemic in conjunction with increased attention to systemic racial violence towards Black Americans has further propelled me to take a seat. The former is an unprecedented experience for those alive today and the latter is what we have, unfortunately, come to know too often. This climate vaguely reminds me of moving through the sludgy trenches of active addiction and moving into the scary new terrain of sobriety, which brings its own drawers of highs, lows, and moments of paralysis. In not knowing how to proceed, sometimes the kindest action to take for my recovery is to take none at all and to embrace my nothingness and mortality while also upholding that I am important, matter, and can be an agent of change.
How Do You “Do Nothing”?
So much of any addiction or obsessive tendency is an allergy to stillness, an orientation towards doing to get out of one’s self, which is to say, the body and feelings. This state of dis-ease and restlessness might render it seemingly impossible to take no action, but it is in inaction that one’s potential, inner energy and thoughts can cull and incubate. This period of rest and stillness is essential for growth and taking actions and speaking from a wiser place. […]